Best Cracker Ever & Second Chances

My new favorite crackers are for sure Lesley Stowe's Rainforest Crisps. These crispy little babies are amazing, flavourful, and satisfy just about any craving I come up with. They're sweet, salty, nutty, crispy, and depending on the type- spicy. And pricy. I eat enough of them, that an $8 per tube habit starts to get hard on the ol' wallet (especially since money doesn't start coming in until next spring around here). Lucky for me, my sister (of the huckleberry liquor inspiration) decided there had to be a better (read: cheaper) alternative. So she searched the interwebs and compiled some recipes and did some experimenting... and made the best crackers ever. Fresh out of the oven are spicy apricot-hazelnut-cayenne and cranberry-apple-walnut-curry crackers. So Good. They're still a little pricy to make (which is nice because it helps explain why they're so pricy to buy) because they're rammed with high quality ingrediants like nuts, seeds, fruits, etc. Better than the original (because how can you beat fresh out of the oven anything- sorry Lesley). But super time consuming. They require some sitting time and two separate bakes. But if Talia is willing to make them, I am more than willing to eat them. And if Talia is willing to sell them in the Revelstoke Farmer's Market (she's thinking about it) I'll be willing to dish out some cash for them too.

A while ago someone I care(d?) about compared me to a cracker. Now, if you read the above, you'd know I'm pretty into crackers. But the context was something along the lines of you're "just a cracker" rather than "the best meal ever." Now I think I'm more of a meal than a cracker and obviously didn't take well to this analogy... even if I was being compared to the best cracker ever (see above) I like to think I'm simply much too juicy to be a cracker. But that's neither here nor there. The reason I'm pondering this, is because this cracker-calling-person is hoping I'll discount the above and various other minor transgressions in favor of a second chance.

Little sister blithely says everyone deserves a second chance. And on closer inspection, she does follow this rule herself. Me, I've never been big on second chances. Life isn't like a video game, as Eminem says, you can't press the reset button. Who's more right? Tal or Eminem? Or me?

I'm not huge into giving people second chances except in very special circumstances (like they're related to me or something- and even then it might take a few years for me to come around) but I love giving second chances to the things people discard along the way. Maybe they're vintage, maybe they're funky, maybe they're just used and old. But that's what I want! After the fire, everyone thought I'd be so happy to have all new things... not so: since then all I want are old things! My old things would be best, but since I can't have my old things, yours will do! And now I love finding treasures in thrift stores (even more) and the ones in Revelstoke are AMAZING!

My latest and greatest find is a beautiful old teacup from Germany. I'm in love with the colors. Fascinated by the concept of these eyeless birds (is this a philosophical statement? aesthetic? an accident? are these birds blind? blinking? mutants?) I adore the hand crafted nature of them, the imperfectly applied paint and the wabi-sabi-ness of it all.

This little flower makes me very happy.

Perhaps I need a little more wabi-sabi-ness in my relationships. I'm trying to be more open to all kinds of people and perhaps that should include people who use unfortunate analogies. Maybe its these things that add richness and depth (and laughter- you know how I love laughter) to a friendship.

PS. There's obviously more to the problem than just a cracker-analogy. I wouldn't consider ending a friendship over that- so don't worry friends- I'm not that hard-core-crazy.

Making Spirits Bright!

For Christmas, my sister wanted to make some fruit liquor out of some of the wild picked summer fruit that's been sitting in the freezer. A google on the internet found her the recipe (equal parts fruit and spirit and 1/4 part sugar). We've got both a beautiful indigo colored blueberry jar and a violet hued huckleberry jar doing their thing on the kitchen counter.

 Not just beautiful and delicious, these spirits will have medicinal properties. They are high in antioxidants, help with the health of blood vessels and also keep blood sugar levels in check (despite being high in sugar themselves). Yep, blueberry/huckleberry spirits are pretty handy (and did I mention delicious?) to have on hand.

Since I was with her at the liquor store while she was deciding on which vodka brand to honor with her berries, I picked up some wine to infuse. After I got home I looked on the net and found all kinds of recipes for making herb wine from scratch (how fun!) but nothing very exciting for infused wine. I picked up some cheap and cheerful Naked Grape reds (nothing I'd bring to a friends house for dinner, but decent, and uncomplicated enough to layer some more interesting herbal notes over). And once home I staked out my dried herb collection and threw together some herbs. Probably I should have mulled it over (see what I did there- heh) but I just threw together two spur of the moment mixes.

The first is a general winter tonic with burdock root, elderberries, cinnamon, wood betony, and vitex berries.

The second is a relaxing blend with rose and lavender flowers, skullcap, and milk thistle.

Talia's berries have to wait a month, but these wines should be ready to drink in a couple weeks. Wish me luck- if these turn out well, herb-infused wine might be my 2010 Christmas gift go-to.

Anger Management 101

Anger: [ang-ger] a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong;



I tell my patients anger is a good thing. What would happen if you were wronged and didn't end up feeling displeasure? You'd just keep getting wronged? Right? But anger is not that simple, and when people come see me with anger problems an answer that trite might get me smacked (ok probably not but you see what I'm saying).

Understanding anger and healthy ways to deal with it are important. The American Psychological Association has a great publication about anger and anger management that I think everyone with or without anger management issues would benefit from reading.

Understanding the patterns within a person that anger has created or which created the anger are also important. In Asian traditions, anger is related to an imbalanced wood element and liver problems. From a homeopathic perspective, anger can be part of a picture produced by some other disturbance or can be a disturbing element itself. Healing the body using homeopathy and or asian medicine is important- if your body systems are energetically set up to call on anger inappropriately, it would be superhumanly hard to change that with willpower alone.

Even people without a major anger problem can sometimes find themselves out of control once in a while. And for most of us its bewildering: "Where the hell did that come from?" You or your friends might ask if you snap for no reason.

When something pisses you off- like REALLY pisses you off- its time to take a moment and ask yourself why. Almost everyone reacts in ways that are out of proportion to the situation sometimes... and those are usually the times when that situation has a stick in its hand and is poking at something really raw and shitty on the inside. Which, when you think about it, is kinda great: it shows you those things that need healing. Sometimes those inner wounds are gross and gaping and full of pus and ugly to look at. Sometimes they're just broken. Almost all the time, they're things you've been neglecting/hiding from/ignoring. With a little gentleness and a lot of love (and probably a lot of time and patience with yourself too) healing can finally start. The same goes for any out-of-proportion reaction: why do those long-distance commercials always make you cry? Why are you terrified when your spouse is late coming home from work? Why does a compliment about your hair make you unbelievably happy? Why do you hate being touched? Why can't you spend time alone? Why does even the smallest exam make you anxious? These are questions worth asking...

During my Toronto trip, one of my friends helped me identify one of those things when she said: "I didn't realize punctuality was such a huge deal for you!" Meanwhile I was struggling not to rip into her because I knew very well that on the inside I was overreacting like crazy... especially because I was late too! OMG Theresa, get a GRIP!

I needed to ask myself: why exactly do I get so pissed when people are late for appointments and dates with me? Especially because punctuality is by no means a consistent theme in my life- quite the opposite actually. When my friends see me breezily show up late (sometimes extremely so) for parties, classes, events, etc, they have a hard time seeing why I'd be pissed if they're 20 minutes late for brunch. Quite often they'll get a text along the lines of: "On the streetcar. OMG so slow. Be there soon. 20 mins I hope" Truthfully: I didn't quite get it either. Especially because I have another couple double standards: 1) If you text/call and tell me how late you'll be- no problem- be as late as you'd like- I won't bat an eyelash even if two hours pass while I'm waiting (if in fact you told me you'd be two hours late). 2) If you can't get to a phone to tell me that you'll be late AND I know in advance that your cell-phone's broken/you don't have one/you're taking transit/etc then I don't mind lateness (as much). All my standards and double standards were highlighted for me a couple weeks ago when I waited to meet a group of friends for dinner who showed up 15, 20, 50, and 55 minutes late... needless to say, I was irrate and trying (unsuccessfully) to figure out how much anger was justified and how much was nutso.

There's the real problem: I don't like not knowing when someone is showing up. Especially if with a simple phonecall or text they could let me know! Its not the latenesss at all!*

Ok, so if step one is identifying the shitty raw issue, step two might be figuring out where that came from. When did I not know when someone was showing up? Plenty of times. But there was one big traumatizing experience and I think that's where this issue is stemming from: the three years of immigration during which I was told every month that my husband (now ex husband) would be coming to Canada in 30 days. That uncertainty was unbelievably painful. The waiting. The hopes. The dashed hopes. And now everytime that someone shows up more than 15 minutes late (without calling) they have to deal with 36 MONTHS worth of the rage I wish I could have directed towards an immigration official (and didn't).

Step three? Maybe it should look something like this blog entry? Express that anger in a healthy way. Allow someone to witness it. Journal and burn. I'm finding that writing about this is rather therapeutic for me.

Step four? I don't know. But I imagine that it will involve putting this realization into practice. Next time someone shows up late, I'm sure I'll get super angry again. But instead of getting wrapped up in it, perhaps I can take a step back, and watch the stormy emotions in me pass as they always eventually do.* Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha. Perhaps I can realize that my anger can be directed towards the government of Canada and not the much easier target that my friend makes. Perhaps I'll be able to do with with a bit more grace and serenity than before. Perhaps I'll manage not to glare at my dinner date/patient/hairdresser. Perhaps.

So you can see: I work on figuring out what to do with the so-called negative emotions- not just for my patients, but also for myself. All I know for sure is that they need to be recognized and honored and expressed in a healthy way. Recurrent themes need to be examined with a compassionate curiosity. I'm reading a book right now called the Power of the Five Elements that talks about transforming negative emotions into postive ones. I like that idea but I'm hesitant. Stay tuned until I finish reading the book I suppose- I just might have a step five to add.

*Ok, I do still find lateness irritating if it shows a lack of respect (ie I forgot to leave the house until 5 mins before I was supposed to meet you across town so I'm an hour late and didn't bother to call) but I think that's a pretty normal and not outrageous response. I manage not to get quite so pissy over things like I got an emergency call from work or I got stuck in transit/traffic.

**Notice I didn't say maybe I can just tell myself not to get angry. Suppressed anger leads to major health problems (more on liver qi stagnation some other time). Anger is good and healthy. Anger tells you that boundaries are being crossed. Anger is your friend. Anger is what told me that I needed some healing in the first place! AND if I can watch my anger become less and less, I can see those emotional wounds healing. I honor my anger. There are two problems with anger. The first is holding onto anger- anger needs to be acknowledged, expressed, and let go. The second is the unhealthy expression of it. Anger doesn't need to you or hurt the people around you. Anger does need to communicate. Anger also needs to make changes to the situation. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. - Maya Angelou Healthy anger*** can change relationships. Anger is one of the forces that changes the world, stands up to prejudice and injustice, and says I MATTER! The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough. - Bede Jarrett

***Rage is NOT healthy anger. Neither is bitterness which is really just anger that you didn't let go of.

Thoughts on snow

In Revelstoke there is snow now. Lots and lots of snow. People get pretty wound up about it. People hate to drive in it. Love to walk in it. Get pissed when the highways are closed. Get pumped when the hills are open.

Me, I like the snow. For the same reasons now as when I was a kid: because it sparkles in the moonlight. Because it talks to me under my boots. Because it makes everything soft and beautiful. Because it makes everything a mystery.

Happy Trails

Its been a while since I posted because I was busy living life. Now that I've settled in for a 2 month studying stint, I suddenly find myself with time on my hands to blog it!

I ended up feeling lost here in Revelstoke. It was easy: life had been so hectic and other-centered in Toronto. I planned around appointments, courses, transit schedules, networking, dates and friends. Moving here all that was gone- and all that was really left was me (and some sweet family and a beautiful friend)! So I've had to figure out how to plan my life around just me, and that's harder than it sounds!

After getting lost I needed to get found again. So I went out into the world to find the people who inspire me, and to find/remember my own inspiration as well.

First stop: Scottsdale Arizona and my dear friend Ashley! This girl kicks ass and takes names. Her story inspires me to learn from my past, embrace my dark and light sides equally and lovingly and humorously, and to just keep on believing no matter what. When I got to Arizona it was 30C and gorgeous. We went for walks every morning by the canal, got tan lines and freckles, and laughed and laughed. Life with Ash reminds me of one Nelson Mandela quote after another: "There is no passion in playing small- in settling for a life that is less than the one your are capable of living." And most especially: "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Next stop: Toronto Ontario. Yes, the Toronto of my hectic existence. It was too much when I was there, but when I left it I missed it. Mostly though, I missed my people there, and the person I was. My return to this city was so important- I needed to know if it was a mistake to leave it! I needed to know why on earth I missed it so much. I needed to know how to keep being the me I created while I also create a life in my new (old) home in Revelstoke.

I started my trip with a 3 day homeopathy course given by Jan Scholten. Turns out it was amazing and helped respark my passion for homeopathy, naturopathy, and learning in general. Which is so important not just for the next two months of full time NPLEX studying, but for life. (At least for my life)

Also on the agenda- a little self care. But I kinda suck at self-care (they don't teach you that in naturopathic medical school). What I don't suck at is finding awesome people to help me out with things I just can't do on my own. So I had a visit with my own homeopath, Marty. I met Marty just after my place burned down and I was in such a rough spot that the only way I could communicate my problem was to tell him I didn't feel like I lived in my body anymore and I'd stopped liking sheets. Somehow he figured it out and has been a huge help... with the sheets and everything else. The other awesome person I found was Ben. Bless Ben: he kicks my ass. I punch him and kick him, but still I'm the one who ends up on the floor in a pool of sweat. Ben is not my lover, he's my trainer. But I do love him! After Marty helped me live in my body again, I looked around and found I'd let it get pretty run down! I sort of randomly met Mr. Ben when I randomly popped into Goodlife on the way home from the grocery store. One thing lead to another and I asked Ben to help me use my bod again. Now I feel so super strong again. Love it! There's still work to be done, but I'm doing it here in the Stoke now. Getting in 3 more workouts with Ben was amazing though- you know a person who can make a hedonist like me LOVE working out must be pretty damn good at what he does. During my last few weeks here I was working out at Trans Canada Fitness semi-regularly and as soon as I move into my temporary downtown home (Dec 1) I won't have an excuse to miss workouts once they're walking distance away! Maybe I don't love it as much on my own, but the feeling is still there!

Most importantly, I saw my inspiring, hilarious, and hard working friends. I stayed with my beautiful bestie and her bro. Watched an interesting dance show. Saw the new clinic that three of my favorite people will be working at (if you need a naturopath in Toronto call me, I'll hook you up with the best!). Hit up a thrift store with one of my favorite fashionistas. Had an impromptu tattoo date with an amazing friend. And caught up with my part time wife/full time legal advisor and the fabulous people she introduced me to (her best friend and London boy toy). And I stopped by the Herb Depot in Chinatown to see my friend, doctor and mentor Ming Hui Shen. Overall, just surrounded myself with a few of the amazing people I met in Toronto.

And not to forget: I caught up with three of my cousins in Vancouver, Phoenix, and Toronto. Phew.

So what did I find to take back to the little town of Revelstoke with me? I remembered how to let my light shine, how to follow my own path, and how incredibly exciting the future is. I remembered how to make friends, how much I love my people, and how much I treasure my alone time. I remembered how to look inside myself when something isn't right. I remembered how much fun it is to laugh while you're punching someone, and how great it feels to push farther than you thought you could go. I remembered to treasure the time I spend with people, whether I see them every day or just once a year. I remembered why I chose to move to Revelstoke, and I feel like its the right place for me to be right now.

Basically, I remembered all the things I lost when I moved here and stopped moving. And I'd better keep them close to my heart because I won't be able to afford another cross country trip for a while!

Also, I remember a time when almost all my friends had blogs. Those were good times. I know I abandoned my blog when I started ND school. But, I'm putting my sh*t out there again... how about you?