"I beat on my small red drum for you"
Its maybe the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Its a shame nobody's ever said it to me. I heard it the first time I watched A Constellation of Bones- one of my favorite pieces of art ever. One of my favorite experiences ever.
The human heart is the origin of all rhythm and music. Its the place we feel love the deepest. It connects. It loves. It heals. It works hard for you every moment of the day. Take a moment and say thanks to your "little ticker". Put your hand over your heart, feel your pulse. Be grateful that today you are alive, and today you have the ability to give and receive love (even if you aren't in a place where it is safe to do it just now).
Our hearts can get wounded just like any other part of us. Today I spent the morning reading about all kinds of physical illnesses that can result when our hearts are overburdened, and we know them well: palpitations, angina, heart attack... and more. But the physical is only one of the spheres that make up our health. A burdened heart can also manifest on spiritual, mental, and emotional levels before, during, or after manifestation on a physical level. Work on all of these levels are required for true healing.
In Botanical Medicine, the herbs containing cardiac glycosides and other molecules important for heart health, also tend to have mental, emotional and spiritual indications... and some in small energetic doses are even indicated for broken-heartedness.
In Traditional Asian Medicine, the heart is not only responsible for the physical task of pumping blood, but also for housing the Shen- which can be translated at the mind or the spirit. When the heart is healthy and the Shen is well housed, sleep is calm, intelligence is bright, eyes sparkle, ability to feel emotions is clear, wisdom is available, and joy is experienced. An imbalanced heart can cause anxiety, depression, mania, forgetfulness, restlessness, dullness, nightmares and insomnia. These are symptoms that we mostly ignore and suppress in our Western society, with sad results. But these are symptoms that form a picture of imbalance when read with a discerning eye- what your body needs is help to restore balance, not to have the symptoms erased.
Regaining balance is possible. Sometimes help is needed. Its holding onto balance that is impossible, and the irony is: trying to hold onto it only makes it harder! So let go. Tune into your heart. Is is asking you for help? Is it ticking merrily away? Does it beat for someone? It beats for you.
When I study illnesses from an allopathic view and memorize the pharmacologic therapies used for each. It grounds me to rethink it in naturopathic terms, and prepares me for the naturopathic modality phase of studying...
Sometimes help does come in the form of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. Though overused- I believe these drugs can in some cases be life saving. But these therapies are meant to be like ships to carry you through a dark time- eventually you reach the brighter shore- eventually you need to step off unless you want to live on a ship forever!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Like a Diamond in the Sky?
Know what's exciting? Medicine. For real this time.
Studyingsucked hard went really poorly the first 1.5 days. But then, I decided to stop taking notes and just read for a while. And I remembered: I love this! Medicine is fascinating, and naturopathic medicine is my passion! This doesn't need to be a terrible experience- and suddenly its not! Its awesome! I get to spend 2 months immersing myself in whatever I think I need to learn to be a good clinician. Its a huge luxury!
Its a little tricky, because part of me does worry: "What if I don't pass NPLEX? What will be on the test?" But those thoughts always have been a recipe for disaster- when I worry about passing tests I don't do as well on them; when I am more concerned with gathering information so I can excell at my profession I do so much better. Sure I could get the study materials that everyone else will be using and ensure that I ride with the curve. But these are materials that I know (ok- its hearsy- but from reliable sources) have out-dated and even incorrect material. This isn't just an exam I'm studying for- this is information that I'm going to be using to treat people. I can't eff around with it just so I do better on a test! Right? (Right?!)
Plus, it would be completely out of character for me to read/write/learn something that I didn't believe to be true. Back in my undergrad I couldn't wrap my brain around skeletal muscle mechanics- the way it was presented just did NOT ring true for me. Luckily, it was one of my favorite professors lecturing and we had a little chat about it. He told me that was the best supported theory to date, but that other (maybe better?) theories were emerging. How exciting is that? For me, at that age, it was a revelation! Knowledge evolves! My thoughts/instincts matter! I'm allowed to disagree with the scientific (and medical) dogma, because science and medicine should never BE dogma. It should always be open to questioning and modification by anyone who can work their theories around the evidence. The only real truth is the evidence. And even evidence can be misleading if you don't understand how it came about. Suddenly, my eyes were open again to the magic and equisite beauty of science.
I was born with my eyes open to the world ready to question it all! Before I started school and learning, I remember my first revolt against untruth at 3 years old.... it started with the ever provocative: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I could not be persuaded to compare little stars to diamonds in the sky. Nope, not in a million years. Diamonds were NOT found in the sky. To me stars in the sky looked like diamonds in a box, and that's how I'd sing it: "Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are! Up above the world so high, like a diamond in a.. box." You could sing it "in the sky" if you like... if that's what you believe. But if I was singing it, I was singing about diamonds in a box, and I was singing with integrity!
But that independent attitude toward truth was blunted somewhat when I started studying science right up until my chat with Dr. Walker. Because unfortunately, Science has become Religion for the 21st century and its often taught as absolute. No questions asked. It saddens me for 3 reasons: 1) Because science doesn't have the spiritual answers that humans yearn for. 2) Because it undermines the unique democracy and wonder of an originally rebellious and exciting system of thought. 3) Because the world needs both science and spirituality! Sure they are separate systems, but as our knowledge grows in both these fields they converge!
Two other fields which are exciting when they converge: art and science! The are paired wherever genius is found. Beautiful music, stunning architecture, masterful surgery, fluffy omelettes, transcendental massage, inspired homeopathy, uplifting dance, in the twinkle twinkle song (I just didn't get art at the time I suppose)... and hopefully in my practice of naturopathic medicine!
For now: back to the science part.
I'll hopefully find my camera again soon and be able to post pics again. Revelstoke is freaking gorgeous this time of year- you need to see it!
Studying
Its a little tricky, because part of me does worry: "What if I don't pass NPLEX? What will be on the test?" But those thoughts always have been a recipe for disaster- when I worry about passing tests I don't do as well on them; when I am more concerned with gathering information so I can excell at my profession I do so much better. Sure I could get the study materials that everyone else will be using and ensure that I ride with the curve. But these are materials that I know (ok- its hearsy- but from reliable sources) have out-dated and even incorrect material. This isn't just an exam I'm studying for- this is information that I'm going to be using to treat people. I can't eff around with it just so I do better on a test! Right? (Right?!)
Plus, it would be completely out of character for me to read/write/learn something that I didn't believe to be true. Back in my undergrad I couldn't wrap my brain around skeletal muscle mechanics- the way it was presented just did NOT ring true for me. Luckily, it was one of my favorite professors lecturing and we had a little chat about it. He told me that was the best supported theory to date, but that other (maybe better?) theories were emerging. How exciting is that? For me, at that age, it was a revelation! Knowledge evolves! My thoughts/instincts matter! I'm allowed to disagree with the scientific (and medical) dogma, because science and medicine should never BE dogma. It should always be open to questioning and modification by anyone who can work their theories around the evidence. The only real truth is the evidence. And even evidence can be misleading if you don't understand how it came about. Suddenly, my eyes were open again to the magic and equisite beauty of science.
I was born with my eyes open to the world ready to question it all! Before I started school and learning, I remember my first revolt against untruth at 3 years old.... it started with the ever provocative: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I could not be persuaded to compare little stars to diamonds in the sky. Nope, not in a million years. Diamonds were NOT found in the sky. To me stars in the sky looked like diamonds in a box, and that's how I'd sing it: "Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are! Up above the world so high, like a diamond in a.. box." You could sing it "in the sky" if you like... if that's what you believe. But if I was singing it, I was singing about diamonds in a box, and I was singing with integrity!
But that independent attitude toward truth was blunted somewhat when I started studying science right up until my chat with Dr. Walker. Because unfortunately, Science has become Religion for the 21st century and its often taught as absolute. No questions asked. It saddens me for 3 reasons: 1) Because science doesn't have the spiritual answers that humans yearn for. 2) Because it undermines the unique democracy and wonder of an originally rebellious and exciting system of thought. 3) Because the world needs both science and spirituality! Sure they are separate systems, but as our knowledge grows in both these fields they converge!
Two other fields which are exciting when they converge: art and science! The are paired wherever genius is found. Beautiful music, stunning architecture, masterful surgery, fluffy omelettes, transcendental massage, inspired homeopathy, uplifting dance, in the twinkle twinkle song (I just didn't get art at the time I suppose)... and hopefully in my practice of naturopathic medicine!
For now: back to the science part.
I'll hopefully find my camera again soon and be able to post pics again. Revelstoke is freaking gorgeous this time of year- you need to see it!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Studying for NPLEX Day 1: the warm up lap
Today I studied cancers of the blood. A bit of a depressing topic actually (though don't worry- for some of them the prognosis is quite good with appropriate treatment- I just needed to put that disclaimer in for anybody who comes across this page by googling one of them- also, if you're googling your disease: STOP IT! Google can be a terrifying place! Find a healthcare provider who you trust and can talk to, and who can direct you to reputable, non-random places where you can educate yourself).
Ok. Back to cancers of the blood: you can see how awesome my focus is today. Awesome. Awe-inspiring focus. Yes. Focus....
Confession: studying hasn't been going well... at all. I started today and expected all the information to just fly into my brain and file itself appropriately, awaiting recall when I sit down to write NPLEX in 2 months. That might seem like an unreasonable expectation... except that's usually how studying goes for me: quick, easy, relatively painless.
But here's the thing (there's always a thing): I haven't thought about anything academic since finishing school in Sept 2010. And I haven't really studied for anything since finishing 3rd year (way back in April 2009!). Sure there were tests in 4th year, but nothing worth hitting the books for. And yes, I did a lot of learning during my clinical year- I'd say more than in the previous 3 years combined! However: studying for the purpose of long term retention and application is a different animal than the cram-bam-thank-you-mam style of studying I prefer for multiple choice testing. Its just different. (And I know you'd think you could just study the same way for both- you could- definitely- but I kick-ass at multiple choice tests and I study differently for them.)
So it turns out my brain is out of shape. Sure its still perfectly capable of walking around the block and up the stairs without getting out of breath. Its not terrible. But I'm training for a brain-marathon. I used to run brain-marathons every day with my thalamus tied behind my back... now I'm barely making it around the block. Its a bit depressing to look back and compare myself to my former glory. But its also inspiring: I know I can get back there- I just have to put in the time and work!
Its like that with any activity you stop doing for a while-you slowly start to suck at it. You lose your mastery.
This is the reason I'm a little scared to start skiing. I was never really a ski-master (I'm not even sure there is such a thing) but I was good enough to enjoy myself. Tomorrow is opening day at Revelstoke Mountain Resort, and I've been invited to go skiing. Even though I loved skiing back in the day, I'm not ready to gear up and head down some black diamond runs for the first time in over a decade (don't worry- green runs will be open when the snow comes down the mountain in the spring- or so they tell me). I don't know why I was sensible enough to know I'd need at least one warm-up run before heading down the hill, but it didn't occur to me at all that I'd need a warm up day (or couple days) before I get into the studying groove.
Tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow I will tackle the rest of the conditions of the blood and lymphatic systems (malaria, phlebitis, septicemia, lymphadenitis, lymphadenopathy, lymphangitis, lymphedema, anemias, elliptocytosis/ovalocytosis, hemochromatosis, polycytemia vera, secondary polycytemia, spherocytosis, multiple myeloma, alpha and beta thalassemia, glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase deficiency, sickle cell anemia, disseminated intravascular coagulation, hemophilia, Henoch-Schonlein purpura, idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, vitamin k deficiency, Von Willebrand's disease, acidosis, alkalosis, acute intermittent porphyria, erythropoietic protoporphyria and last but not least, porphyria cutanea tarda). And tomorrow that's really got to get done, or my study schedule is going to go out the window- fast!
Tonight is also a new night, and not one dedicated to studying! (Woot!) I'm seeing Dehli 2 Dublin at the Regent... 8pm $7. I have no idea if they're good or not, but I hear good things! (Probably I could listen to their music on their website- but I prefer to be surprised!)
If they're not good, hopefully the Odds will be! I loved them in the '90s. They're playing on the CPR Holiday Train (Dec 13- Revelstoke) this year and I'm pumped about it. I always wonder if that'd be a fun venue for the artists or just terrible. It seems super cold and icy to me.
For any aspiring stalkers in Revelstoke, that's where you can find me. Please be gentle.
PS: I also bought colorful felt-tipped pens today that will either help me focus on studying OR may alternatively help me procrastinate colorfully on the very paper I'm supposed to be taking notes on. They are cute little double-edged swords- I'll let you know how it goes... hopefully not tomorrow while I'm supposed to be studying.
Ok. Back to cancers of the blood: you can see how awesome my focus is today. Awesome. Awe-inspiring focus. Yes. Focus....
Confession: studying hasn't been going well... at all. I started today and expected all the information to just fly into my brain and file itself appropriately, awaiting recall when I sit down to write NPLEX in 2 months. That might seem like an unreasonable expectation... except that's usually how studying goes for me: quick, easy, relatively painless.
But here's the thing (there's always a thing): I haven't thought about anything academic since finishing school in Sept 2010. And I haven't really studied for anything since finishing 3rd year (way back in April 2009!). Sure there were tests in 4th year, but nothing worth hitting the books for. And yes, I did a lot of learning during my clinical year- I'd say more than in the previous 3 years combined! However: studying for the purpose of long term retention and application is a different animal than the cram-bam-thank-you-mam style of studying I prefer for multiple choice testing. Its just different. (And I know you'd think you could just study the same way for both- you could- definitely- but I kick-ass at multiple choice tests and I study differently for them.)
So it turns out my brain is out of shape. Sure its still perfectly capable of walking around the block and up the stairs without getting out of breath. Its not terrible. But I'm training for a brain-marathon. I used to run brain-marathons every day with my thalamus tied behind my back... now I'm barely making it around the block. Its a bit depressing to look back and compare myself to my former glory. But its also inspiring: I know I can get back there- I just have to put in the time and work!
Its like that with any activity you stop doing for a while-
This is the reason I'm a little scared to start skiing. I was never really a ski-master (I'm not even sure there is such a thing) but I was good enough to enjoy myself. Tomorrow is opening day at Revelstoke Mountain Resort, and I've been invited to go skiing. Even though I loved skiing back in the day, I'm not ready to gear up and head down some black diamond runs for the first time in over a decade (don't worry- green runs will be open when the snow comes down the mountain in the spring- or so they tell me). I don't know why I was sensible enough to know I'd need at least one warm-up run before heading down the hill, but it didn't occur to me at all that I'd need a warm up day (or couple days) before I get into the studying groove.
Tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow I will tackle the rest of the conditions of the blood and lymphatic systems (malaria, phlebitis, septicemia, lymphadenitis, lymphadenopathy, lymphangitis, lymphedema, anemias, elliptocytosis/ovalocytosis, hemochromatosis, polycytemia vera, secondary polycytemia, spherocytosis, multiple myeloma, alpha and beta thalassemia, glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase deficiency, sickle cell anemia, disseminated intravascular coagulation, hemophilia, Henoch-Schonlein purpura, idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, vitamin k deficiency, Von Willebrand's disease, acidosis, alkalosis, acute intermittent porphyria, erythropoietic protoporphyria and last but not least, porphyria cutanea tarda). And tomorrow that's really got to get done, or my study schedule is going to go out the window- fast!
Tonight is also a new night, and not one dedicated to studying! (Woot!) I'm seeing Dehli 2 Dublin at the Regent... 8pm $7. I have no idea if they're good or not, but I hear good things! (Probably I could listen to their music on their website- but I prefer to be surprised!)
If they're not good, hopefully the Odds will be! I loved them in the '90s. They're playing on the CPR Holiday Train (Dec 13- Revelstoke) this year and I'm pumped about it. I always wonder if that'd be a fun venue for the artists or just terrible. It seems super cold and icy to me.
For any aspiring stalkers in Revelstoke, that's where you can find me. Please be gentle.
PS: I also bought colorful felt-tipped pens today that will either help me focus on studying OR may alternatively help me procrastinate colorfully on the very paper I'm supposed to be taking notes on. They are cute little double-edged swords- I'll let you know how it goes... hopefully not tomorrow while I'm supposed to be studying.
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